I guess with the best out of the way, I should probably share some of the blunders I picked out throughout last year. This one isn’t going to be a top 15 like the other one, because that sounds like hell trying to justify a list that long. We’re sticking with the 10 we’ve already got, because they’re already pretty bad on their own.
I should properly note that this mini list is made up of mostly the disappointing rather than anything that is inherently bad.
- Uncharted: Almost decided to miss this one, but it was on Prime, so here we are. A pretty bland ugly looking action movie, that I mainly dislike because they really missed the mark on adapting the Uncharted games. It mainly boils down to the miscasting of the leads and the awfully fake action scenes that fail to do the games justice.
- The 355: I don’t really remember too much about this movie except I predicted the twist just from what I could gather from the trailer. Other than that self gratitude, this movie gave me nothing.
- Jurassic World – Dominion: It’s another Jurassic World movie what did you except. I mainly remember this one for doing almost nothing with the last movie’s ending. It gets points for not being as bad as that movie, but it’s still pretty unremarkable for a movie that is supposed to be the last of the trilogy.
- Lightyear and Thor: Love and Thunder: One is a massive contradiction and the other is supposed to be a comedy. These two movies win the award for most disappointing movies of the year. Both because they really miss the mark of what was expected and perhaps I should sue these movies for falsely advertising that they’re good movies.
To the list!
First movie of the list is a turn off your brain movie called Moonfall. The moon is a mega structure and essentially it’s a movie about the moon falling into the Earth’s orbit and all humanity are too stupid to save us. As their first option to launch some nukes at it, however two guys and Halle Berry will be the ones to show them how it’s done. Moonfall kind of feels like a Transformers movie where there is an overly complicated government plot with some subplots that end up feeling rather similar to another. All of this builds up to the dumbest conclusion ever where it’s basically 2012 meets one of the Matrix sequels. I feel justified putting it here because when it’s doing it’s job at being a dumb disaster movie isn’t a bad one, but when they delve into the moon really being a mega structure, I’m checked out.
The closer to the soft reboot Halloween trilogy was probably the most anticlimactic finale since the Star Wars sequel trilogy. Actually this new trilogy feels pretty similar to that sequel trilogy as each movie feels extremely disconnected from the other and there was clearly no overarching plan made, except having these movies exist. That’s pretty much why it’s quite jarring when the main character of the final film of this trilogy is this new character who is destined to be Michael Myers’ protégé, and replace him as the main villain. It feels very forced and I can’t buy Michael Myers suddenly caring about another human being when the other two movies he was so inhuman that he killed anyone that came in contact with him. Laurie Strode and her granddaughter also act a bit off the whole movie too and the big showdown that was teased in all the advertising was probably the most lacklustre of all the other times they have done this. That Halloween (2018) movie was too good to have all these subpar sequels tarnish it.
It’s quite easy to forget, but there was a first animated Diary of a Wimpy Kid Disney+ movie. So this year they covered the sequel, which if we compare it to the live-action one there is no contest. This animated movie is criminally short and just like the first one it’s rushed and dead inside like I was while watching it. It’s also one of those animated movies that look so ugly that it could be used as a counter argument as to why live action movies have always looked better and are all round superior to animated films. Well at least Rodrick had something to do in this one, even though he’s kind of dumb in this as he was easily swayed by Greg manipulations, then again Greg is worse. This Rodrick Rules has a seriously misleading title and it stinks!
Oh look, another forgettable movie that came out in 2022. This one is sad to talk about as I was a big Harry Potter fan about 10 years ago when the movies were a big thing and now these Fantastic Beasts are just reminders that they’re never going to capture that magic again. (Hey a pun!) That’s about how I felt for this third Fantastic Beast movie as I do acknowledge that I saw it; I also admit that it was kind of dull and that’s about all I’ve got. The only memorable thing I can recall seeing in the movie is it has the first appearance of Mads Mikkelsen in the role that once belonged to Johnny Depp. Also Ezra Miller is in this, which was around the time their naughty activity became public. At least this movie wasn’t as terrible as The Crimes of Grindelwald, but it’s still on this year’s list so who cares.
There was only one bad Marvel movie this year and wasn’t made by the MCU. It’s from those other guys, Sony that desperately want to pretend they’re apart of the MCU. Morbius I guess is a more boring Venom as he’s a really good guy that hates being known as a bad guy, because god forbid we see a real anti-hero in a superhero movie. Morbius is also like Venom where the action scenes are very graphic, but they must’ve change their minds in the editing room to tone that all back, which is about the same time they insert some really bad comedy, because the movie wasn’t funny enough. It’s also another film where nothing of note happens until the post credits scene that was already spoiled in the trailer. Also there’s the internet’s weird infatuation for this terribly bland movie by inventing catchphrases that aren’t in the movie, and hyping it up enough so Sony would re-release the movie only for no one to see it, because it’s a movie that isn’t worth anyone’s time.
The long awaited sequel to the hit Netflix erotic romance movie of 2020 is more insane and atrocious than the original in every conceivable way. The Next 365 Days starts off with bringing the main girl back from the dead so we can have 20 minutes of no plot and all sex. I lost my mind when a plot did arrive about the girl pretending to fall for another guy, and they run off together, while the ex tries to hunt her down. The film then becomes a live action comedy cartoon with the introduction of an evil twin brother and it ends on a big Mexican shootout where the main girl dies again! I don’t feel bad for spoiling that, because it’s a pretty much a so bad it’s good movie. Watch this movie if you feel like losing your mind.
A worst of the year list isn’t complete without an After movie on it. This time it’s another rinse and repeat of the plot of the last two movies, except this one is different because Tessa has finally had enough of the verbally scolding criminal boyfriend Hardin. Hardin tries to prevent her from leaving him so we can keep this series going for the rest of time. There’s not too much else to add that wasn’t said in the review, except the title is a lie as it clearly doesn’t end on an After the ever happy and also it ends on a to be continued. This movie also gets a pass from the bottom of the list because the character of Hardin (quite literally one of the worst characters in modern fiction) does some very petty contradictory begging to Tessa to not leave him and it’s actually hilariously pathetic.
Here’s the Disney remake of Pinocchio and it’s quite terrible to be honest. I never finished the review for this one, but I recall I had a lot to say about it. For starters, Geppetto makes a living selling clocks with a bunch of Disney related properties on them. Pinocchio is completely justified with every decision he makes that goes against his dad’s orders. For example Pinocchio skips school in favour of a life of fame because the school won’t accept him for being a puppet. The film completely misses the point of Pinocchio learning to become a good boy. It’s also another film that is painfully unfunny, like let’s call Pinocchio Chris Pine and have him be fascinated over some poo. On the plus side, Pinocchio and the other animals look exactly how they look in the animated movie, despite also looking quite terrifying in live-action. The main problem with this film is it’s just too sanitised and soulless, just like the other Disney remakes and this might be one of the more egregious offenders. Just watch the animated movie again because at least Pinocchio has real grog and smokes so then it seems like a pretty reasonable punishment to be turned into a donkey.
365 Days: This Day
Despite what the title suggests this is actually the third and the apparent last of 365 Days movies. In this the main girl returns from the dead for a second time to then spend the whole movie debating if she should screw that gardener guy from the last movie. The other big dilemma is which one of these guys should she hook up with: The mopey guy that kidnapped her two movies ago or this nice gardener guy she met last week. A difficult decision that the movie doesn’t get around to answering. A very disappointing follow-up to the epic insanity of the second movie, as this new one feels like the fill-in movie of the franchise and I imagine the next one will give us the satisfying conclusion we have being waiting for.
There was a bit of debate for which movie should be number 1, but looking at this freaky looking lanky dog is enough to convince me this is the clear winner. I remember the 2010 Marmaduke and I don’t remember him being this annoying and dumb. I also don’t remember being so bored in a movie, so I guess my memory must have died at some point. This might be the worst animated movie I’ve ever seen, it’s so terribly animated that I’m surprised it’s on Netflix and not on YouTube with all those other cheaply made preschool animated compilations. Also those disproportionate character designs are hideous, as some of these guys have stick limbs and oversized stomachs or have balloon heads with thighs the size of logs. The movie is awfully predictable along with an array of obvious food and fart humour. The only good thing about this movie is it seemed to have brought everyone together that it’s universally terrible.
That’s the close of another years’ worth of best and worst lists. Next up is the older films I’ve discovered in 2022 list as the last one I did was quite successful, why not do it again. Until then Blog Complainer, signing out.