After Ever Happy won’t ever arrive for this franchise

After Ever Happy won’t ever arrive for this franchise

Last time in the After universe, I whined about the third After being was one of the worst things to ever possibly exist. This was mostly it was very plotless and it’s all about the rinse and repeat romance of Tessa and Hardin. So in the latest entry of the After saga, (which a real person decided to name After Ever Happy) it’s essentially about experiencing all that same stuff you remember from the second and third movies all over again for the third time in a row. I believe this is because fancy words such as creativity and originality have been rotting and collecting flies for the last couple years now and it’s kind of impossible to bring them back from the dead.

Before I make fun this stupid movie, I must admit I quite enjoyed watching this new After flick. Not because it’s suddenly a good movie or anything; more so I think I’ve come to accept this franchise as my Bold and the Beautiful like soap opera for movies. (Or maybe my case of severe brain damage is finally paying off.) The movie literally starts with ‘A Previously on After‘ opening sequence, which I appreciate, for someone who only watches these movies once a year basis, but it also confirms to me that I’m really reviewing an episode of a long running TV show than an actual movie.

It's the lovers
Destressed Tessa and Stone Cold Hardin are at it again for the fourth time!

 

In this episode of After, Hardin is really upset about the aftermath of the last episode, where we found out that some random guy who this series tells us has been here here since the pilot, is Hardin’s true daddy. This plot line finally pays off within the first 15 minutes of the episode where Hardin burns down his family home in front of Mr. Dad. Then the dad takes the fall for his psychotic son and this plotline is never brought up again for the rest of this extended episode. Well that’s a relief, now on to the main plot, which is of course about the dysfunctional love of Miss. Ditz and Criminal Arsonist. Tessa has finally had enough of Hardin because she now realises that they’re been doing this shit for 4 TV specials now and they should start seeing other people. Hardin won’t have any of that and from here the script actually states ‘Copy and Paste Hardin throwing tantrums and forcing himself into Tessa’s life for 90 minutes‘. Hardin’s tantrums were especially a highlight for me because he’s honestly impossible to take seriously. This is mostly because he’s always contradicting himself when he’s trying to justify to Tessa why they’re meant to be together, why they should remain together and why isn’t a total unhinged asshole.

‘Tessa we can’t have babies because how are we going to have sex with little kids running around, you dumb idiot!”

Uhhh… Hardin. I’m infertile.”

Oh you are. How could you do this to me you dumb idiot, you know I always wanted to have kids!”

But you just said…”

Oh crap, I see what you’re doing. You’re using my own words as weapons to use against me. Well all I have to defend myself is… Please Tess, you dumb idiot, don’t leave me! How am I supposed to get laid without you!”

Then Hardin is peer pressured by his AA group to write a best selling novel about his dysfunctional romance with Tessa. It’s also called After and it creates an equally funny argument with the two, where stupid Hardin comes off as a dumb idiot. Tessa is horrified of everything they did over these four movies while Hardin essentially describes it as a beautiful romance gone wrong.

In the desert with my Car
Do they explain in one of the movies when they got this car and how they were able to afford it.

 

Despite what the title suggests this isn’t the series finale for After as there is a to be continued sign in the last scene of the episode. Not sure if this next one will be the After series finale or if it just means it’ll be picked up for a new season. I don’t know After Ever Happy was mostly unwatchable besides for the parts where I laughed. Watched this one in the cinema as well so this should tell you that I have no shame in admitting that I was openly cackling in that public place. See you all next year for the possible series finale, Blog Complainer, signing out.

1 - Don't bother with this one
1 – Saved from a zero, because I didn’t expect to laugh during an After movie.

Cameron Black

I review stuff and hate on everything you ever loved. But I’m still a super nice guy and make pretty entertaining content.

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