Last night I was thinking of watching Eyes Wide Shut, Kubrick’s last movie, which I hear is a really good erotic thriller. Yet I didn’t do that because I remembered the sequel 365 Days was available on Netflix and I felt like indulging in that instead. It didn’t take very long for me to realise that was a terrible decision and I didn’t learn my lesson because after that I chose to watch 2022’s Marmaduke the worst possible send off to Netflix’s animation division. I don’t want to talk about Marmaduke, because to be frank I was on my phone for most of it, while 365 Days: This Day had my full attention, because I was more in shock that a movie this terrible exists.
The 365 Days movies are similar to the After movies, as both play out as terrible fan fictions, except 365 Days is rated R so they can get away with more explicit simulated sex scenes and because of that it often borders on being a full on porno. The premise is that after seeing his father die, Massimo sees a beautiful woman on the beach and spends the next couple of years fixating on her. He eventually kidnaps this random woman who we learn is named Laura and forces her to live with him for an entire year to see if she’ll fall in love with him. If that doesn’t sound messed up, just wait, Massimo also makes Laura share the same bed as him, make out with him, watches her try on clothes, calls her baby girl and smacks her around when she doesn’t do what she’s told, because how dare she demand simple human rights! The only thing he won’t ever do is force himself upon her, which in this movie’s eyes, classifies Massimo as a likable good guy. In the end Laura subtly develops Stockholm Syndrome and falls in love with Massimo and they live happily ever after until she dies randomly at the end. Back in 2020 I ranked 365 Days at number one on my worst of the year list. Beats me why I thought that, as this new sequel was way worse.
The plot to 365 Days: This Day is there isn’t one for the first 20 to 30 minutes of the movie. The only thing that happens is baby girl is miraculously not dead and she gets married to Massdickimo, which all takes place in the first five minutes. The rest of that time is focused on the highly edited sex scenes with crappy pop music blurring over it, which will then be followed by a brief conversation with some randomo, 70% of these conversations will start with someone walking in on someone having sex and then two minutes later we’re back in the fun dungeon. I was honestly convinced I was watching like a parody movie or I was high, because this shit is so stupid. It’s not sexy nor were any of the conversations interesting, it’s just cringe, there is no better word to describe it. If I wasn’t thinking of writing a review for this site, I would have shut it off because 20 minutes of nothing makes one question his life. I could have watched a good movie like Eyes Wide Shut, instead I’m watching something that boggles the mind on how could someone legitimately like this enough that a sequel needs to exist.
There is a plot to this, eventually, this isn’t another After 3 on our hands. When baby girl catches Dickimo in another woman, she runs off with this overtly attractive gardener to this romantic retreat by the beach. I must admit I was so numbed by the first half hour that I wasn’t ready for an actual plot as I felt convinced only certain movies had that. This portion of the movie exposes just how poorly written these characters are and also the bad acting from these actors. Baby girl wants independence from her asshole boyfriends yet the whole movie she is a drooling whiny idiot, who can’t do anything right, no wonder why these guys want to nurse her. Massimo rivals Hardin as the most unlikeable male romantic lead ever, they try to make him more likable with the introduction of his evil twin brother, (No I’m not kidding!) yet with what’s been established and just the guy’s serial killer like face, just makes him so detestable. The ending I won’t spoil, but it borders on being a live-action cartoon. It’s so ridiculous that it made me wish I wasn’t watching this on my own, because with the right crowd this could make for a pretty good so bad it’s entertaining movie. Otherwise watching it on your own, I suggest avoiding as it was so torturous checking that runtime, only to be disappointed that I had another hour to go.
365 Days: This Day (Why is it always the romances that have the worse titles?) I only wanted to review in order to share the strange experience I had. This movie is hot garbage and I already knew it was getting a zero after seeing the second sex scene within 2 minutes of each other. I will admit this was more enjoyable than the last After movie, if cringing at movie counts towards enjoyment value. Perhaps also the fact the main couple in this rarely talk to each other, and the dialogue scenes are quite short and varied as every 2 minutes also requires an extended montage with annoying pop song over it. While in After the main couple are always talking and the movies are so serious, which makes it more agonising to watch. This movie’s also got a 0% on Rotten Tomatoes, if you want another reason to avoid it or to suffer it with some good friends, as their company might make the experience more tolerable. Blog Complainer, signing out.