After we Fell we wasted everyone’s time by making another After movie!

After we Fell we wasted everyone’s time by making another After movie!

I don’t use this phrase often but After we Fell is one of the worst films I have ever had to suffer through. This is the third movie in the series of “After” movies, so I guess I had an idea of what to expect because the two previous films have all found their rightful home on my last two worst movies of the year lists. As with every movie I watch, I went in with no expectations, with only a pinch of optimism in preparation for this, but with After we Fell (I hate writing that title!) it’s the type of movie that just goes out of it’s way to infuriate you, as it continues to screw over the basic fundamentals of what makes a competent story, let alone a watchable movie. I feel like I have already justified myself for hating this movie, but for the sake of content, I will continue to indulge in more reasons why this is truly the worst.

The Sexy Tease
Sorry, not worth it

 

The After movies are about a chick named Tessa falling in love with a brute named Hardin and each movie is about their continuously dysfunctional relationship and then when that gets dull they do the sexy times and the cycle repeats itself. The first movie sets up that dynamic and the sequels just keep that train alive, by essentially repeating the same relationship beats. They hook up, they have sex, they fight, have sex, they fight again, have sex, break-up, miss each other, make-up, which is followed by sex and then they fight again! The fights are essentially over nothing too, which could easily be resolved if they were honest and stopped acting like children! The main instigator for the drama is the bloke, Hardin, who’s a guy with a dark backstory and trust issues, so this justifies him being a dick to everyone, right? Perhaps with some good character development and writing for sure, but Hardin doesn’t have that, and for that reason I can’t stand to look at him! Tessa is alright, but honestly she’s just pathetic, and I’m more surprised that Hardin hasn’t already murdered her, than her leaving him.

Onto the plot, which wouldn’t normally be a joke if this movie had one. Plotless movies can work, but not even the best ones could withstand one of the most insulting romances in all of fiction. The film just starts, presumably where the last film left off, but it doesn’t offer any context for those new to the series or who seriously need a refresher. It just jumps straight to the point and disregards the audience’s simple desire to understand what the hell is happening! The first 15 minutes is dedicated to this resurging dad character, while also offering nothing to make this plotline interesting, then they drop him entirely so they can focus on the romance instead of this totally pointless character. This film loves to tease potentially interesting ideas, such as this waiter that Tessa immediately hits it off with, who Hardin immediately gets jealous of. The point of this is so you think Tessa would leave Hardin for this random waiter she just met, but instead it’s actually so Hardin could have nightmares of him doing it with Tessa, and because of this Hardin decides to avoid her. This conflict is already stupid, but it’s immediately resolved when the two have a chat about it, which is followed by another overproduced sex scene on the gym set.

It’s comical, this writing, but it’s certainly not worth watching the whole movie to see it, because it’s all about the romance, and we have already gone over how repetitively boring it is. The other portions of this movie focus on these side characters who I could have sworn I had never seen in these movies before, but the movie treats them like they’ve been here the whole time, so I was severely confused. It was interesting reading the IMDb trivia that due to the pandemic they had to recast most of the supporting characters for this movie, which was reassuring to know that I wasn’t crazy, and I hadn’t seen these people before. I know my memory of the After movies isn’t the greatest, but it’s telling how little the writers cared for their audience that they don’t even bother to throw in a few lines of dialogue to remind the audience on who these characters are. I say this is a massive issue because one of the recast supporting characters is tied to the big twist of the movie, and it was profoundly predictable, while also being confusing at the same time. God, I can’t state enough how much I hate this movie, I’m serious, the people who made this thing totally went out of their way to make sure you hate it!!! I will accept no other explanation because there isn’t a better one, it is now a fact!

I hope the boat sinks
Tessa was never seen again after this day, and Hardin has been on the run from the law ever since.

 

If it wasn’t obvious enough, I didn’t like it and highly recommend that every human being on the planet avoids it like they would a deadly virus. Even with the benefit of it being the first After movie that I had to watch at home, being able to watch it on Prime didn’t help much, except for knowing the exact amount of time I had been suffering for and also being able to take breaks when I wished.

There’s a few movies that recently came out to the cinema that I might review, and no they aren’t a James Bond movie or Dune, because they’re not cool enough to appear on my home turf yet. Plus, in honour of Halloween Kills, I’m slowly, but surely building up to a big post about that and other movies like it. Finally, I plan to hopefully release my Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen review in the next week. Those are the major updates, sorry I didn’t spend more time talking about those instead of this rubbish movie. Oh well!

0 - Worst of the Worst
0 – Worst of the Worst

Cameron Black

I review stuff and hate on everything you ever loved. But I’m still a super nice guy and make pretty entertaining content.

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