A new year and will be first spent talking what went wrong in the previous year. While we could probably use less negativity in the world, I’m making this because it’s fun and people like hearing me rant about this stuff, although I’m not sure why. Unlike the best of the year list, I didn’t struggle at all making this list as I actually saw some of these before the pandemic and the rest I picked up throughout the year, so no trouble there.
The following films escaped my wrath, unless they’re highlighted in blue. In no particular order:
- Sonic the Hedgehog: This was once the most talked about movie of 2019, but when it actually came out it became the most forgettable kids movie of 2020. Such a shame.
- Honest Thief: Liam Neeson stars in this action thriller where he plays the most sacred bank robber on the planet. The amount of times my eyes were rolling is the exact amount of times he explained how he never dared spend a cent of his stolen $4,000,000.
- The Social Dilemma: It’s a documentary about the vulnerability of young people on the internet, highlighting how quickly big companies gain information about them. Some good stuff, but what ruins it is the melodramatic preachy skits that really hammer in the documentary’s one sided message.
- Mulan: Congrats Disney, your new redundant remake managed to slip away from my list. The only reason I’m mentioning it now is because of that absurd pay wall on a service that we already pay for! It also just happens to be a coincidence that the movie itself is pretty bad.
Onto the list!!
This was the last movie I saw in cinemas before being forced into hiding because of the global crisis of how on Earth will I be able to wipe my bottom if I can’t leave my house. That’s literally the only reason why I even remember Bloodshot. Its just a generic action movie where Vin Diesel is an invincible super hero fighting evil terrorists. The best part of the movie is the twist midway through, but even with that it still doesn’t make this anything special or memorable.
The Wolf of Snow Hollow
The latest entry on this list was a movie I heard a lot of praise on Letterboxd for. It was very disappointing to discover that I just watched one of the most annoying and infuriating movies I have ever seen. The main character I honestly couldn’t stand as he just shouts and acts like a complete jerk to everyone he meets. This movie also telegraphs every single action of the killer to the point where there is nothing to keep you interested in the investigation. The film also sometimes tries to be a comedy, which I don’t really understand as it makes the film even more insufferable. Unlike the other movies on this list I can see this film was trying to be the next Tarantino or Coen Brothers epic, but still if the best part of your movie is when the hero we’re supposed to like is brutally shot by the evil wolf killer, I believe you messed up.
Survive the Night is a film I got off Google Play for when I decided to make my grand return to reviewing new releases after my initial COVID-19 hiatus. I wish I picked a better movie as this one is pretty bad. Stupid characters, a dumb story and a reminder of Bruce Willis’ sad career decline. I don’t remember too much about it because I pretty much blanked it from my mind but I know it sucked and let’s move on.
Pokemon the first remake starring Mewtwo again – revolution, is the first worst animated movie on this list, if we exclude the 2019 Lion King remake. The reason this movie sucks is mainly due to it being a copy and paste of the first Pokemon movie from the late 90’s, which I have grown less fond of as I’ve gotten older. It carries over all of the worst aspects of the original film, and to add insult to injury, it’s now 3D animated and has that awful title!
Fantasy Island, what a boring horror movie! They take the old TV show, but now it has the horror spin on it, so prepare for plenty of boring sequences and some very telegraphed jump scares, because that’s the bane of modern crappy movies like this. You also have the strange miscasting of Michael Pena as the stilted mastermind of the island and also one of the most contrived stupidest plot twists of the entire year. Fantasy Island is a cheap cash grab that I hope to forget as time goes on.
It’s 2020 and we’re still talking about trying to franchise young adult novels. Artemis Fowl has the opposite effect to some of the entries on the best of list. Meaning the less you know about it the more confused you’ll be by the basics of this film’s world. While the more you know about it, I hear, you might be upset by how this movie tarnishes the novels. Like Fantasy Island it is very boring to sit through, but unlike that film Artemis Fowl does have some redeeming qualities that make it a more memorable bad movie. Mainly thanks to Judi Dench’s second terrible performance as the gruff leprechaun police chief who I laughed at when she dramatically says “Top of the Morning!”
Number 4 & 3
I decided to rank these together, because they’re both the same to me. Two films all about the love of a stupid girl and a questionable bad boy who have nothing in common besides they’re physical appearance and their ability to cause drama. Also both films have an unnecessary third wheel because if Twilight did it, why not us as well! I struggled to sit through both of these films, but if I had to do it all over again I’ll easily take the hunky Australian man in the dumb comedy over that brooding British guy from that super serious drama with the stupid name. Kissing Booth 2 is too long for me, while After 2 is Blah!
Judi Dench is thankfully saved from the most embarrassing performance of the year because Robert Downey Jr beat her to it 5 months prior, with his weird Nicholas Cage inspired performance. Dolittle is here because if it wasn’t for the review, then I would have gladly walked out of that cinema like I had just left a party I didn’t want to go to. The list goes on. The bad acting, horrendous CGI animals and generic story being dragged out for what feels like eternity. It’s just a really bad movie that rightfully flopped. I think it’s the only movie on this list that tanked, thanks to you know what.
I thought about it and none of the previously mentioned movies hold a candle to this piece of shit movie, that was the most popular movie on Netflix on my flipping birthday!! What’s wrong with you people? Do you realise it’s about a man who gets these PTSD like visions of some woman he saw on the beach. After which he spends the next couple of years tracking her down and kidnaping her, so he can then force her to spend a year in his company in the hope she’ll fall in love with him. He will achieve this by sharing the same bed as her, give her revealing dresses to wear, watching her shower and constantly suggesting sex. It’s disgusting, but the movie will try to convince you that this is actually a blossoming romance between a deranged man and a woman developing Stockholm syndrome. Need I say more!
There you have it no more lists like this until this time next year. A link to the ranking of everything I saw will be included below and on the sidebar of my site alongside the previous years. Later on this week I should give an update of the progress of my upcoming novel and stay tuned for tomorrows post because I’m going to explain why Wonder Woman 1984 missed both of my lists. Blog Complainer, signing out.