So has anyone heard of a movie called After? It came out last year and it was a tale of a simple small town girl going to school and getting wrapped in a spider-web of the brooding handsome bad boy. Most of the movie is these two making googlie eyes at each other with the occasional committee approved sex scenes. The movie ends with the girl getting mad and upset at her new hubby because this is a Young Adult drama story and up to now there hasn’t been any. That’s where the first movie ends I think? I’m sorry I kind of remember disliking it and then quickly chucking it onto the worst of 2019 list and calling it a day.
I came in with a fresh perspective for the sequel, which is cleverly called After We Collided because it’s after they collided in the first movie or perhaps later on in the movie when they break-up. Wow man, this movie has so many meanings it’s so deep and smart! Tesla is back and has moved on from the despaired hunky Hardling. She works as an intern for a publishing company where they get to go to swanky parties, where she can look hot and make-out with sexy random men. This is where Tesla bonds with a guy in a suit named Travee and what a shocker, they both like reading so they become best pals on her first day on the job! She even gets Travee to take his shirt off and run around in his boxers, damn they’re really hitting it off. The fun stops quickly when Hardling tracks down his drunk ex girlfriend and kicks out Travee, so he can steal Tesla for himself and take her out for a test drive.
That’s enough of this joke!
Would it be a surprise if I admit I do like romances? They’re good escapism when done right, seeing two people meet over certain interests or a situation that ties them together and slowly forming a bond that may evolve to a sincere friendship or a passionate relationship. When they reach the peak of a relationship, when drama or tragedy gets in the way, you hope they pull through and don’t let this strong thread break apart. It’s just very nice to see two people who see something special in one another and you completely get why they should be together and why they are better because of that. It can be kind of annoying in movies like After We Collided where the reason they’re together is because both of them have zero personality, have nothing in common except looking great together on a poster and they stay together because they like rooting all day every day.
This movie is just so boring and it’s mainly due to the lacklustre romance. The scenes where they try to get along don’t really work because they have literally nothing to work with, so five minutes later they go and make an egg because we need something interesting to happen. By the way this nonsense is most of the movie and boy does it get old and stale really quick. For the parents reading this, don’t worry, your children will not see anything they shouldn’t see, but they will hear a certain word starting with F pretty much all the time. Yeah, I don’t understand the rating system either.
What good things can I say about After we Collided? I guess it’s not a bad movie to look at, excluding the parts when they’re slobbering over each other. The dialogue is so awful that it can be kind of funny, Hardling’s vague dreams are also pretty funny and the big break-up moment of this movie is stupider and makes less sense than the last movie. I chose not to remember much about the first After, but I believe that had more of a story than this. It’s an hour and 45 and it’s one of the slowest moving roller coasters I’ve been on, the pacing is that bad.
If you see this before the last picture, too bad I guess. 1/5 – Thumbs down from me. There was no interesting cliffhanger like Kissing Booth 2 because the third guy had such a nothing presence for the majority of the movie. Whenever After The Collision of our previous Collision comes out, don’t be surprised if I forget to review that one.