We’re finally all caught up!
If you weren’t a fan of Season 6 like I was, then you have seen nothing yet! How the mighty have fallen. As the show has gotten more popular and marched on further ahead of George R. R. Martin’s fantastic books. The ratings have improved but the writing has seriously suffered. Season 7 continues to dive head first into the toilet as all those problems from the last two seasons continue to grow and become more apparent. It even spawned new problems which we’re going to tackle together ladies and gentlemen.
The First Four Episodes: Season 7 is the first season to drop down from 10 episodes to 7. The first four episodes are kind of the opposite of the Season 3 and 6 where they were gradually getting better as the season progresses. Season 7 obviously gets worse as we progress.
Let’s start off on a positive note as there is probably more to love than hate in this first half. Arya starts out pretty good. Disguising herself as Walder Frey then wiping out his entire family was pretty cool. She has a nice scene with Hot Pie and later on with Nymeria, as it shows how far she has come and how different she is.
Cersei and Jaime are the best characters of the season. Cersei has become The Mad King 2.0 and Jaime is the voice of reason. They have a great dynamic this season. Euron Fratjoy is back! I’m guessing he gave up on Dany and decided he wanted to introduce his big boy to Cersei. Euron has toned down a bit from last season so now he’s less cringey. He also kills two of the Sand Snakes, which I’ll give him bonus points for that. While we’re on The Sand Snakes, I absolutely loved the death of that really annoying Sand Snake. (You know the one.) It’s a fitting end for the worst characters on the show. Lady Olenna also gets a great sendoff as she gets the last laugh over Cersei.
Since all of the characters are on the same continent now, it’s not a surprise that we get some long awaited meet-ups such as: Sam meeting Jorah, Melisandre and Varys, The Hound and Tormund, Davos and Missendei, Arya and Ed Sheeran and the big one Jon Snow meeting Daenerys Targaryen.
Dragonstone is conveniently empty for Dany and the crew to move in and one of the first things they do is contact The King in the North to bend the knee. Jon isn’t worried about Dany as they’re still not ready for The Night King’s arrival. It’s not until Sam discovers that there is Dragonglass at Dragonstone is when Jon decides to go. I’m going to discuss Sam’s storyline later but I think it’s kind of stupid that Sam needs to look in the restricted section of the library to figure this out. Also hasn’t Davos lived on Dragonstone for a good chunk of his life.
Episode 3 is where Jon is reunited with Tyrion and first meets Daenerys which is pretty awesome to see all of this play out. We get some pretty awesome battle scenes in this first half. Euron attacking the Ironborn and Dornish ships. The next episode has Tyrion narrate over the Unsullied sacking Casterly Rock was nicely put together. The Lannister soldiers attacking Highgarden was disappointing with the only explanation is the Tyrells suck at fighting because their house sigil is a rose. (Even though they’re the second most powerful house in Westeros!) After that we get the awesome Dothraki Dragon attack on the returning Lannister force. I would have preferred it to have more consequence like Bronn dying or Jaime being captured. Either of those events would do, to avoid that stupid feather weight armor river nonsense!
The Last Three Episodes: The last three episodes are bad! As they feature some of the worst writing and character decisions in the entire series!! We’re going to start off with Oldtown. Like with the Three Eyed Raven stuff from last season, Oldtown was massively disappointing. It’s mainly because nothing really happened. Sam reported to Jon about his super obvious discovery, he cured Jorah of greyscale with no real consequence and then gets fed up with the old farts and leaves. The thing that really peeved me is Sam leaves Oldtown in Episode 5 and arrives in Winterfell in Episode 7, even though it took all of last season to get to Oldtown in the first place!
Let’s discuss the worst plotline the show has ever produced. SEASON 7 WINTERFELL. Winterfell has never been my favourite but now it’s a complete joke! When Jon was still there it was okay but it’s when Bran and Arya show up is when we really go downhill. Bran is like a super extra-terrestrial being as he can apparently see everything and knows everything that ever happened. Except he doesn’t really put that to great use except he tells Sansa he liked her wedding dress and he says to Littlefinger, ‘Chaos is a ladder’. This doesn’t raise an eyebrow from them as they spend all of their time focusing on Arya.
Arya discovers a letter Sansa wrote back when she was under the Lannister’s control. This prompts Arya to get mad at Sansa for how she betrayed their family. Later on Sansa discovers Arya’s faces and Arya talks to Sansa like she is a complete sociopath. ‘I’m going to kill you and wear your face to pass off as the beautiful lady of Winterfell. HEEEE HEE!’ Sansa even discusses with Littlefinger about possibly killing her own sister. I hated every scene of this petty squabble! Arya was my favourite Stark until these scenes made me hate her!
The worst part of this plotline is when we find out it was all a ploy! Sansa, Arya and Bran planted this dumb rivalry so they can catch Littlefinger off guard and put him on a trial for all of the stuff he did over the course of the series. There only proof of this is Bran’s magic knowing stuff powers and apparently that’s enough for Littlefinger to beg for his life. Arya kills Littlefinger even though Sansa spend the whole season talking about how they love their daddy and she messes up one of the first rules he stood by!
This twist reveal, I think, is worse than the Arya stabbing for many reasons! It makes everything we saw earlier entirely pointless. It all feels like the characters were written by a hack screenwriter instead of living breathing human beings. It’s too manufactured for worthless shock value. This whole plotline is terrible and the revelation just makes everything even more messy and the conclusion they gave Littlefinger I found a massive insult.
Let’s continue on with the main plotline. Dany is annoyed that she lost all her allies and she’s losing her patience. Tyrion doesn’t want her to march on King’s Landing but to make a truce. His way of doing that is for a small expedition led by Jon to go up North and capture a White Walker then bring it back to King’s Landing to prove to Cersei that they are real. This plan is so idiotic for so many reasons. You realise Tyrion is sending the King in the North and a bunch of other characters on a suicide mission that possibly may not work. What if the Wight dies on the way back, what if the Wall kills the Wight because it’s a magical creature or what if you all die trying to get this one bastard! Also Tyrion should have considered that Cersei probably won’t care, actually he should know his sister would not give a shit about The White Walkers until they’re on her doorstep!
Episode 6 Beyond The Wall is probably the worst episode of Game of Thrones. Jon and the gang arrive at Eastwatch in record time. They go over The Wall and start their long journey in search for a Wight. They find a Wight scouting team and we learn if you kill the leader then all of it’s minions will die instantly. Unless one of the minions is important to the plot then obviously they don’t die. (Sighs!) The Wight alerts his friends and of course Jon and the gang didn’t bring any ravens in case anything goes wrong. Instead Jon orders Gendry to run back to Eastwatch so then he can send a raven to call for Daenerys’ help. Even though he has never seen snow before and it’s like miles and miles of deep snow and cold weather. Also how is Daenerys going to help!
Somehow they get themselves trapped on an ice lake. I’m confused as to why they didn’t try to run off with Gendry? It would’ve been smarted than getting trapped on a ICE LAKE!! Gendry collapses just outside of Eastwatch and the raven arrives at Dragonstone as quick as a text message. Dany gets onto her dragon and the dragon turns on it’s warp drive because Jon and the crew hadn’t died of hypothermia when she arrives. They get on the dragon except Jon because he still wants to hold the title of stupidest character on the show.
The Night King prepares his ice javelin and chucks it at the dragon with no people on it and is super far away from him too. Whatever..! Dany is bummed about losing a dragon and Jon is left to die because he chose to be left for dead. Of course he’s too important to die so Benjen Stark shows up out of nowhere and we get a very rushed reunion between the two before Benjen follows the Stark family tradition of brain dead suicides.
Even though the mission went horribly wrong and they lost a dragon, Jon finally admits he has some feelings towards Dany and bends the knee to her which is a really stupid way to end the episode. Like Season 7 Winterfell, it just makes me hate the characters we are supposed to root for as it’s just so illogical and idiotic that anyone would agree to do this mission. Especially since this mission doomed everyone in Westeros because they gave The Night King a dragon and a means of getting through The Wall. Screw Tyrion because they would have been better off sacking King’s Landing. Thousands would have died but at least it’s better than dooming the entire world. Daenerys would be sitting on the Iron Throne and The Night King would still be trapped on the other side of The Wall.
I don’t know about you but I found the moment Jon calling Daenerys ‘Dany’ so extremely corny and forced. They have only known each other for like three days and all they have done is argue and undermine each other. Apparently Dany starts to find Jon attractive because he continues to disagree with her and when she discovers his sexy stab wounds. Jon falls for her because…. He’s needs another reason to piss off all of the northern men. I’m not against these two hooking up but I think more episodes, a better pace and obviously better writing would make this romance work.
We’ll end this off with this season’s big reveal. Bran continues to be useless by telling Sam about Jon’s true parentage. R+L=J is fully confirmed as we witness Rhaegar and Lyanna’s wedding and we learn other important details like: Robert’s Rebellion was based on a lie. (Even though that wasn’t the only reason the rebellion was formed.) Jon isn’t a Snow, but a Sand!! (Even though he’s not Dornish.) No wait Bran says he’s not a bastard now, but a Targaryen! More specially Aegon Targaryen, The rightful heir to the seven kingdoms. He is the chosen one guys! It’s a dumb scene but it’s even more funny that between Bran telling us what we already know, Jon/Aegon is currently shagging his Auntie Dany while Tyrion is eavesdropping outside!!!
Final Thoughts: Game of Thrones Season 7 is easily the worst season yet! I’m putting the blame on Dan and Dave, especially since they wrote the majority of the episodes. Whatever passion they had when making this show has really died out long ago. The quality of the show is suffering and it doesn’t seem to bother them. I think their agenda is the quicker Game of Thrones ends the sooner that prequel show can start. That’s why everything feels so rushed and so sloppily put together. These guys really don’t care what made this show great and it really annoying.
There are still some aspects that are amazing but it’s a massive shame that it has come to this. Season 7 gets a 4 to 5/10. Winter is here folks and the show is finally coming to an end. Fingers cross they don’t……………. Beautiful People, are you getting this? Oh thank god, I have been waiting so long to tell you: I have found a way out.
