He asked again ‘Hello are you still there? I asked you, What are you wearing?’ I’ve never spoken to a God before so the only thing I could answer with is, ‘I’m wearing my couch, your awesomeness’. God cracked out a joyous chuckle. ‘Oh man, you really have lost your mind.’ Huh, That sounds odd for God to say. He is probably just messing with me or maybe I’m just imagining all of this. ‘You’re not imagining any of this Anti, this is very real!’ God can read minds??? If I knew that I would’ve set my mind onto PG mode. ‘That wouldn’t help Anti as I will still know every dirty little thought that comes into your mind’ Come on! That isn’t fair, why is God so nosey? ‘I know everything about you Anti because I created you.’ Well I knew that but I still had to shout ‘WHO ARE YOU!!’
God answered ‘You seriously don’t know who put you in this situation and allowed you access to every post on this site’ Oh, it’s that God, but it can’t be. ‘It is Anti, I am your God. I created you for the soul purpose to be a no pun intended Anti version of myself. You served your purpose well. I got a few laughs out of you and now you have outlived your usefulness. This freezing ice land you call your basement is where I store you until I have a need for you. The excuse is you’re bingeing 50 shows at once when really you’re not. One of my main intentions with Game of Thrones is by the time I reach Season 8, is when I finally kill you off for good!’ What a sad turn of events, I’m speechless. ‘About time you’ve learned to shut up! Now if you excuse me I have another season of Game of Thrones to review.’ Wait…
Hello everyone and here we are at Season 6 of Game of Thrones. Last season I mentioned how it was still a great season of television even with it’s more stupid moments. Yeah well, Season 6 is a whole other story.
There is a lot to cover so we’re going to start off with A Sucky Death speed round:
Our first entry is probably the most obvious one: The Dorne Side characters. Last season, Dorne was infamous for being the worst part of Season 5. The writers response to this is to have Ellaria Sand and The Sand Snakes kill off Areo Hotah, Doran and Trystane Martell all in one big swoop. You don’t have to had read the books to notice how bad they treated the Dorne Storyline.
I think the writers just went screw it with this plot line and especially with how they killed off Doran’s son. I originally thought he was still in Dorne when he was killed, but it’s much worse! Two of the Sand Chicks follow him, Jaime and Bronn, all the way back to King’s Landing, which is just ridiculous when they were on the pier waving goodbye as they left last season. How they got on the boat is as big of mystery as to who Jon Snow’s mother is? How long have been on the ship? We need to know this stuff because they could have also tried to kill Jaime and Bronn while they were at!!
Episode 2 has Roose Bolton being killed by his own son. I would have preferred a Stark to kill him but at least this makes sense. The problem with his death is it doesn’t feel satisfying but more stupid. Roose tells Ramsay his wife just had a baby boy. I’m guessing he was expecting a hug instead of a knife to the heart.
Episode 3 we see the long awaited return of Osha and Rickon. Episode 4 Osha is killed by Ramsay. Again, it works for the story but I’m more mad at how they wasted such a great character. Yeah I know I didn’t like her that much in Season 3, but I would have preferred her not to have returned at all if they had ran out of material for her. As for Rickon’s death, I’m cool with it. Maybe if Ramsay specified he couldn’t zigzag then this would be more credible.
Number 4 is Summer. I don’t like to mention the Direwolves that much because I might go off on a tangent. Game of Thrones doesn’t understand how noble sacrifices work as they feel more like brain dead suicides. Bran and the gang are on the move and Summer stays behind. He charges into a pack of Wights and maybe kills one before being completely swarmed. The Wights might have been distracted for a few seconds but that doesn’t change the fact it just felt like lazy writing.
I’m also including the forest chick because it’s the same thing. At least in this girl’s case, if she wanted to commit suicide she could throw her acorn grenade at the ceiling and lock herself in with the Wights and just kept spamming the grenades until they got her. Whatever, I’m no writer it’s not my job to come up with this stuff.
Our last pointless death goes to The Blackfish. Instead of joining Brienne to help his grandniece, he decides to pointlessly die by trying to take back the castle his nephew already surrendered.
With that out of the way you can get a bit of an idea on what I think of this season. Probably to get the best perspective of my view on this season We’ll start at the worst storyline and work our way up.
Excluding Dorne, I think The Ironborn gets the worst treatment this season. Theon has just escaped with Sansa and has caught up with Brienne. (Making that whole bell situation from last season more funny.) They’re on their way to Castle Black when Theon decides he can’t go because he has to go home as he doesn’t deserve a second chance with the Starks. I don’t understand the logic in that. Why would he go back to the family that put him in this situation to begin with. When he could try to redeem himself and get revenge on the man who tortured him for months on end.
The Ironborn plotline officially kicks off with Theon’s dad being murdered. Theon is reunited with Yara. Their relationship is probably the saving grace of this storyline. Things go downhill when we get to The Kingsmoot, a very important part of the books which I’m just going to say – Is 100% better than the TV version. Here is where we’re introduced to Theon and Yara’s uncle Euron Fratjoy. Yara promises to reclaim their glory days and Euron also promises to reclaim the glory days except he also wants to introduce his big boy to the Dragon Queen. Even though he admits to killing his own brother and made almost the exact same argument as Yara, Euron Fratjoy wins the Kingsmoot. It turns out it doesn’t matter because Theon and Yara take his ships and just form an alliance with Daenerys without the Ironborn’s support. So what was the point of that you may ask? I don’t know I’m not a writer for this show.
Up next is the biggest blunder of the season: Braavos. Arya going blind and gaining it back is okay but it’s when Jaqen tasks her to kill the actress is when things start to sour. The over the top play of the first 4 seasons is probably the best part of this storyline where you get to see The Lannisters portrayed as the heroes while the real heroes such as Ned Stark is shown as a colossal idiot and Tyrion as a dastardly villain. Arya befriends her target and I’m guessing didn’t except to be on the faceless men’s hit list for disobeying orders. Arya getting stabbed multiple times in the gut just feels like the show is trying too hard to be shocking. Good job, it worked but you also look like fake Ned Stark.
The Waif chasing Arya in the streets is really cheesy especially because this is just a couple of days after getting stabbed, that I may remind you not even her half brother survived!! The Waif’s death isn’t that bad if only more care was put into it. Arya returns to Jaqen and he proclaims her as no one. Arya says no she is Arya Stark. That makes him happy even though I thought he wanted her to become no one unless… Screw this! This show is clearly too smart for me.
Meereen and Dany’s storyline is just boring. Tyrion and Varys running the city felt underwhelming and Dany’s detour in Vaes Dothrak felt a little bit anticlimactic and forgettable. The only thing that really bugged me is how quickly she bonded with her dragons. The laziness is strong with this one.
King’s Landing just meandered. It’s kind of like how it was with Season 3. At least here talking about how we’re going to get Margaery out of jail is only for half of the season and the other half has The High Sparrow manipulating people to do what he wants. I think it might have helped if King’s Landing appeared almost as much as Sam did this season. At least with this storyline it does get better as it goes.
The only one that consistently good was The Wall and Winterfell stuff. It shouldn’t come to a shock that Jon Snow comes back to life and should come as a shock that I have no problems with this. We also see Sansa and Jon reunite even though we have never seen them interact with each other. Ramsay sends a letter to the Stark siblings that he has their brother. It inspires Sansa they should build an army and Jon has to convinced to go along with it.
I wanted to save the endings for this season’s storylines for last as they are prominently featured in the final two episodes which are the best episodes of the season. The Battle of The Bastards nicely ends the Meereen storyline and it also features the best battle to date! It’s just a breath taking sequence as we see Jon and the gang trapped in this wall of dead bodies with the Bolton men caging them in. Jon starts suffocating whilst slowly being crushed by his own men. More great moments follow with The Starks finally having a win, Ramsay meeting a brutally satisfying end, Davos finding out about Melisandre burned a child at the stake and Jon Snow being proclaimed as King in The North!
The Winds of Winter is another excellent episode. It starts off with Cersei’s trial which she isn’t present for. Lancel goes to investigate only to discover a whole heap of Wildfire under The Great Sept of Baelor. Margaery realises they’re screwed and it even says it all on The High Sparrow’s face. So the Wildfire goes off completely destroying The Sept along with Lancel, Loras, The High Sparrow, Margaery and many other innocent bystanders while Cersei watches from the safety of The Red Keep with a cup of wine. Tommen commits suicide and Cersei becomes the Queen of Westeros.
You also have Arya killing Walder Frey which is pretty awesome. (Extremely questionable on the time frame??) Meanwhile Daenerys finally sails home to Westeros which is awesome! So I’m guessing all the awesome stuff was saved for the last two episodes which isn’t new for this show. It would have helped if the first 8 episodes were as good or just consistently good.
The last thing I want to go over before we wrap things up are the big reveals of this season and Bran’s storyline. We have waited 6 seasons for Bran to learn from The Three Eyed Raven and I don’t feel like it was worth it. A lot of things are still a bit vague for my taste and it doesn’t help that all of this is over in three episodes. The thing that kept me interested were those big tasty reveals.
The biggest thing we learn from Bran’s time with The Three Eyed Raven is The Children of the Forest created The White Walkers. It’s cool to know but it didn’t feel as satisfying as learning as to why Hodor can only say Hodor. We learn it’s all Bran’s fault and it’s even more heart breaking that we learn it’s all being building towards Hodor holding the door. It’s effective because Meera and Bran actually get away because of Hodor’s selfless action unlike those two previous failed attempts.
We got some not Bran related reveals such as learning Melisandre is a 400 year old woman when she takes off her necklace. (Even though we have seen her without the necklace and she still looked the same.) Benjen Stark turns out to be unalive. It’s okay, he’s a cool zombie man now. Also The Hound is alive, Yay! It doesn’t really go anywhere but it’s nice to see Sandor is still kicking.
The other reveal I really liked is we finally learn who Jon Snow’s mother is and confirming the famous R+L=J theory. It’s nicely saved at the end of the season and it shows Lyanna Stark dying in a pool of blood because she just gave birth to baby Jon Snow. It also shows Ned promising to his sister he’ll raise him as his bastard. It doesn’t confirm if Rhaegar is Jon’s dad but I wouldn’t be surprised if it is the case.
Overall, Game of Thrones season 6 is the biggest downgrade in quality yet. I’m not a fan with where they’re taking this show. What drew me into this show is how different it was and how it featured some of the best story telling I have ever seen. Now it seems so dumbed down that it feels like they’re stripping this complex story away little by little until it’s just another TV show. There is still high quality in some places such as the music and the cinematography. Some other aspects seem to only get attention if it suits the creators. I’m giving it a 6/10, stay optimistic for Season 7.