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Mortal Life

A short story by Cameron Black, aka The Blog Complainer

This story is dedicated to my fans who have stuck with me ’til this point.

Here we go again. Another date with another beautiful woman. It’s going to happen again, I know it. It happened with Trisha, then again with Michelle and it will happen with this new one, Tonya. From the time we’ve spent together at work, I know it will end the same way! We fall in love, get married, have kids, then she dies, then the kids have kids and then they die and their kid’s kids will also die! Not me though! I’ll still be kicking when the 5th generation of my kid’s kids die!!

I have been alive so long that I don’t even remember when I was born, or what my parents looked like, or who they were. I remember talking with my first born son Jacob and I told him when he was young that I’d been around for over 600 years. He thought it was funny and asked if I’d met any vikings! I remember he did a little viking dance and it was pretty funny. This was back in the 15th century, I think. I can’t really remember what Trish and the kids looked like except that Jacob had the same jet black hair that I have. My memories of Trish and the kids started to faze out when I met Michelle back in 1864.

I was part of the American Civil War and surprisingly I have been on both sides. This one time I went to save my friend who was dying from blood loss when, out of nowhere, I was stabbed multiple times in the chest by the guy I had stabbed in the guts earlier. I was taken in by the South who were amazed that I wasn’t dead and so was I. In all my years I think this is the only time I ever died. They didn’t have enough time to get to know me before there was an ambush during the night.

I got away during the ambush and that next morning is when I met Michelle. I can’t remember too much about Michelle but the one thing I can still recall was the moment when I first laid eyes on her. Her luscious black hair, bright green eyes, lovely skin, super slim figure and perfectly straight teeth.  She was a stunner!

About a century later I was working as a stage crew member for Bob Dylan. I remember thinking of Michelle and the kids, we were watching some sort of performance and I can’t remember what happened next. Whatever it was I collapsed on stage and rolled into a ball. I can barely recall the happy times and the sad ones I imagine the emotions I must’ve felt but I have no specific memory. I have lived a ridiculously long life and it’s a curse that I have suffered for so long that I don’t even remember how I came to be cursed.

The 21st century has been an interesting era. I remember in the 16th and 17th centuries I could get away with the occasional historical reference in casual conversation.  In recent centuries, especially the 20th and 21st, I get more odd looks when I accidentally say something slightly off, having regard to my first hand knowledge of multiple centuries.

I’m working in an accounting job now. Throughout my life I have already done real estate, management and financing, so why not accounting? I have been at Smiths and Dodson’s Accounting and Management for 25 years now. Rex Dodson took me in after the business had been going for three years. He died two years later and his son Theo took over and has run the business ever since. Like his father he respects me and he likes my jokes. I don’t think I’m very funny and sometimes I think he just laughs to make me feel better.

Tonya and I have been the topic of water cooler conversation for the last fortnight. Tonya has fine blond hair, an athletic body, a straight pointy face with a perfectly curved nose and dresses like she means business. Tonya is a recent university graduate and came to us highly recommended by her professors. Theo asked me to take her under my wing while she learns the ropes. It’s only been two weeks and I can’t believe how close we have gotten. We were just talking one day and then one thing led to another and I had her thigh by my waist. It was what I needed as I haven’t had any physical contact with anyone (I mean any other women) for about 150 years!

After work today Tonya said we should make it official and go on an actual date. I really like her, I really do! She’s funny, snarky, incredibly smart and she reminds me of Trisha. Also Michelle. I left Tonya without an answer and now I’m sitting on a toilet, sweating over accepting a woman’s offer to go on a date which many people have done before but many people aren’t me. I have been married twice and I had two boys and a girl with Trisha and four girls and four boys with Michelle. I can’t help but wonder if Tonya is perhaps my great great great grandchild? I don’t think it matters that much but do I really want to go around again???

Someone came knocking on the stall door. “Jacob?” Tonya whispered as she stifled a sob.  “I’m sorry about asking you. If it’s too awkward then we don’t have to bother with the dating thing, we’ll just call it quits.”

I could hear a distressed Tonya walking out of the bathroom. I know I just made it worse. I should have just ignored her when Theo gave her to me. Then again I wish I died years ago with my second wife, my first wife, I WISHED I DIED SIX HUNDRED YEARS AGO!!! I could attempt to drown myself in this toilet but I’d still not die. Why can’t I just end it all now!!!!

I can hear Tonya crying outside in the hallway. I still have a chance to make it all better. Do I want to do that even though I know what’s going to happen. Tonya will be another part of my never ending life but I’ll be everything she ever needed in her life.

Okay, I have made up my mind and I’m ready to face Tonya.


Thanks for checking out my first short story. Likes and comments would be appreciated as I want to try and improve my work and your feedback would be helpful.

Again, thanks for helping me reach 100 posts and let’s go around again for another century.




Cameron Black

I review stuff and hate on everything you ever loved. But I’m still a super nice guy and make pretty entertaining content.

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