Captain Marvel! Read the Review!! Don’t Watch The Movie!!!

About a month ago I received a comment on my All About Me post asking if I was excited for Captain Marvel? I answered with NO but I also said I’d see it anyway because you have to and people want to know my thoughts. Well, I have seen it now and Captain Marvel absolutely sucked!

So here is the first superhero movie of the year, the first Marvel Disney movie of the year, the first Marvel prequel movie of the year, the first easy box office victory of the year and the first Marvel female centric movie ever! I was as excited to see Captain Marvel as I would be about going to my annual skin cancer checkup. I have a list of complaints I came up with for this movie so if you’re going to see Captain Marvel you’re better off just seeing the movie first.

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The Less you Know the Better.

Spoiler-Zone

Back in the 90’s I had a really bad case of Amnesia: So this movie takes place during the 90’s, a time where there was only one superhero on the big screen every year. Since this is the 90’s our hero Carol Danvers has to crash land into a Blockbuster Video because of nostalgia, I mean the plot! We soon see Carol meeting the creepily weird looking younger versions of Nick Fury and Agent Coulson. Coulson has nothing to do with the movie besides recognisability. Fury also had nothing to do in the entire movie besides crack unfunny jokes. His relationship with Carol is okay but it felt too rushed to really get behind it.

The return of these two characters isn’t why we’re here, oh no, I was wondering how they were going to tie Captain Marvel in with the rest of the MCU and since they’re just inserting, I mean expanding, the backstory there really isn’t much you can add to it. The movie tries but fails to make Carol’s presence impactful. Phase 1 sets up the introduction of supernatural phenomenons and aliens. In this movie they have been on earth before. I know the internet wasn’t really a thing back then but I find it hard to believe that word of aliens and a space woman landing on Earth wouldn’t be all over the news.

It keeps going and this point has to do with it being a prequel. Carol sets out to deal with the rest of the Kree empire or whatever. We see it doesn’t take much to take out one big cruiser though we know from Guardians of the Galaxy the Kree are still kicking. Also for someone so powerful, instead of building a team of his own, Fury could just call Carol and ask her to help to bring the galaxy’s best to defend Earth. Also why would she just leave the Tesseract on Earth?  Didn’t her short time on Earth give her any idea that they don’t have too many alien visitors? There are so many plot holes in this movie that it baffles me as to why they chose to set it in the past.

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Tony, before you sign up for The Avengers Intuitive I need to tell you about this Space Cop lady I met this one time. Long story short she would totally destroy you in a fight. 

Captain Marvel Movie: Wikipedia says this is the 21st Marvel movie and my main problem is it’s another Marvel movie. The moment I saw Jude Law sparring with Captain Marvel, that’s our bad guy, no second thought required. Oh, wouldn’t you know it, I was completely right, do I win anything? So there are these Krees who we have seen in Guardians of the Galaxy as evil tyrants who like destroying planets and this new species called Skrulls who look like a weak pathetic race and live on a deserted planet, oh yeah they’re definitely not the main threat here! The only thing that really surprised me was how stupid it was and that Fury got his legendary eye patch because of a cat’s scratch! It’s unexpected but it kind of ruined Fury for me and also THAT CAT, I HATE IT!!!! It overstayed it’s welcome and I never found it funny! I could accurately predict when the jokes were coming and I could predict when it was time for an action scene.

For such a simple plot it also doesn’t explain things very well such as I could not figure out Jude Law’s motivation for wanting the mysterious energy thing (Another thing left unexplained) The fake reason for the Skrulls wanting it made more sense. There is no other way to say this but Captain Marvel is a factory made movie. No experimentation, no interesting characters, no interesting themes and a very tame plot. It’s a product with no other purpose but to make money. It felt like nobody wanted to make this movie for any reason other than to dominate the box office and to tie in with Avengers: Endgame.

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For a race that can transform into any living being, Shouldn’t they have the upper hand or am I mistaken?

The Blog Complainer the Accuser: There are some things I like. Brie Larson was pretty good but unfortunately she didn’t have much to work with. Sammy and the rest of the supporting cast also suffered a lot because of a really bad script. think Ben Mendelsohn gave the best performance as the Skrull guy and I think he was the only character to benefit from the super obvious plot twist. Stan Lee gets a memoriam thing at the beginning which is pretty cool. Even though I felt the 90’s nostalgia got too in your face it did give the movie a bit of personality and I liked the usage of the songs they picked. Some of the comedy was okay and the chase scenes were pretty good. The last point I’ll make is very personal but I was really looking forward to seeing what they were going to do with Ronan (the best Phase 2 villain) and I was so disappointed to see them do absolutely nothing with him.

Spoiler Free

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In case you skipped the spoiler section, Don’t worry all you missed is me praising Ronan as the greatest Phase 2 villain. Trust me he’s the best!

Overall Impressions: I wasn’t expecting much and I got zilch. It’s a tie-in movie that you need to see so you’re all set for Avengers: Endgame. Without spoiling it I would say it’s also on a par with Solo: A Star Wars Story, it’s better than Ant-Man and the Wasp and, to give DC some props, I would rather watch Wonder Woman as it tells a better story than Captain Marvel. 2 to 3/10. If you miss it then just wait until it’s on Netflix. If you do feel that you have to see it then keep your expectations very low. Another Marvel movie to cross off the list and to skip on repeat viewings. Until next time I’m The Blog Complainer signing out.

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