(Moans) Do I have to?
Hey, it’s me, the BC here, and I’m not in the mood to dawdle so let’s get this stupid list over and done with. Last time I talked about the great movies that came out last year and now it’s the opposite. So, yeah, we’re doing those today. Like the last list, these 10 movies were just the ones that tickled me the wrong way so I punched them in the nose. If you disagree with the list, I guess too bad. I missed a lot of awful movies but these ones you’re about to witness are so bad you don’t even know, okay! Want more reasons why I particularly hate a certain movie click the pic or word then you’re there, it’s like magic. OOOOOoooooooohh, spooky!
Right, let’s get this fart fest away with our only Honourable Mention. Truth or Dare and that’s because it’s so awful that at certain points it’s ironically hilarious. This is the only movie on here that I would recommend.
Here are some Dishonorable Mentions, so these were the films that weren’t terrible enough to get into my top 10. A close contender was The Meg which is so average that I don’t remember much about it except that it was the first post where I wanted to test my photo-shopping skills. So I decided to chuck my face onto a hot babe about to be eaten by a giant shark. (One of my proudest achievements!) That Little Mermaid movie is not on the list because it’s made for stupid children and I mistook myself for one. Good news, Mamma Mia 2 isn’t on here, but it’s still a dishonorable mention. As for the two worst Marvel movies of the year, Ant-Man and the Wasp and Venom I dislike both of these films but not enough for them to make it onto this list.
Okay, that’s enough of that, let’s do this!
One of the earliest reviews I did on The Blog Complainer. From what I remember it is so painfully unfunny and this movie pretty much only exists just to feed Amy Schumer’s massive ego. I didn’t watch too many comedies this year because most of them looked God awful but this was one of the ones I did see and I think this should be re-titled to I Feel Stupid because then it would make alot more sense.
Our first ‘We’re a glutton for more cash, So Cough It Up‘ movie! There is literally no reason to watch this movie or it’s predecessor. Harry Potter is a thing of the past but this new franchise just wants to smother it’s success by releasing these pointless two hour long movies just to keep the franchise going. This movie also features one of the worst endings of the entire year by far. This movie is just a scam and I really despise it.
Ready Player One
I didn’t get a chance to review this one. I love video games and I love the internet. Too bad this was made by really old men who are too out of touch with their audience to make this movie work. I find this most apparent with the main plot of completing three challenges to get all of these Easter eggs. In this movie universe it takes about five years for someone to complete the first challenge which is just a race, but in real life I bet it would take less than a day for someone to beat all of these challenges, especially if the only way to beat the racing challenge is to go bloody backwards! There is other stuff too that just really annoyed me and also it’s very pandering with it’s use of nostalgia.
Well, I guess I’m a Marvel fanboy if a DC movie ended up on my top 10 worst movies of 2018. Aquaman is so painfully terrible with it’s uninspired plot, it’s uninspired characters and it’s very inconsistent tone. It’s a slight improvement over Justice League but it still needs alot of improvement to even be considered average.
The Cloverfield Paradox
The Cloverfield franchise is an interesting series of movies. The first one being an interesting take on showing the viewpoint of the screaming people running away from the giant monster. The second one being an excellent claustrophobic film until the last 10 minutes ruined everything. Now we get this new movie which is just a train-wreck. I wish I was around when this hit because this movie deserves a review of it’s own as nothing makes any damn sense, weird things happen and our characters aren’t even concerned. The characters just suck in general and the deaths only happen when it’s convenient to the plot. It also features the worst subplot I have seen all year which tries to tie the Cloverfield franchise together but it just feels so incredibly lazy and forced. Honestly, Cloverfield just needs to die.
Another horror movie and another Netflix Original and of course it’s complete trash. This movie really sucks at trying to be scary as every five seconds there is an unnecessary jump scare which is the bane of bad horror films and of course nothing makes any sense, because writing movies is really hard. The biggest problem with this movie is the main villain as it’s hard to be afraid of something if you have no clue as to what you’re supposed to be afraid of and what this guy does just doesn’t work. I wrote a whole rant on that and thinking about it again just makes me so annoyed.
The worst superhero movie of the year. I know Robin Hood isn’t actually a superhero but he kind of acts like one. No one wanted this movie but we got it anyway and it’s just a disaster. It’s filled with completely forced humour and it’s only funny when it’s trying to be serious. It looked more like a modern day blockbuster than a period piece. More plot holes than arrows were fired. (Though the bows did fire like machines guns!) It doesn’t know what it wants to be for the first 40 minutes of the movie. It’s a failure on every possible level and this was actually the first movie to get my Epic Fail seal.
(Groans!) Please take me now! This was my first Netflix Original and I hated every minute of it. This movie just panders to it’s audience by having the most forced and predictable love triangle I have ever seen. It features some of the most painfully unfunny awful humour. I just remember how much of an awful time I had sitting through this one so stay away from it and watch literally anything else.
Here it is, the big non Disney property of the year. I strongly believe Jurassic Park should have died years ago, along with the actual dinosaurs. Probably the reason it’s so high is because it grossed over a billion dollars and it makes me very angry and annoyed at the human race and of course the people behind this movie. This movie features really stupid characters that feel more like props on train tracks than actual people! They were so annoying that the only happy ending I could envision for them was the inside of a T-Rex’s belly. There was also the constant beating of the same message that they have used in the first movie and still no one learns the bloody lesson! THAT LITTLE GIRL!!!!! And of course the reason this movie exists is because we want 10 billion more sequels and, yes movie, I truly hate you for it!
And The Number One Worst Movie of the Year is…
Just like my best of year list this was my pick from the very start. This movie was just too late as this character is as relevant as Robin Hood at this point. The main characters were as interesting as store mannequins. The Slender Man was just always a lame horror monster. Once again nothing makes any sense, did the writers even try?!!?!! This movie gave me no emotional attachment to anything that was going on. It was like a breeze came by, it went, and I moved on with my life. I have never seen a movie that made me lose interest in a franchise like this movie did. Slender Man was just a waste of everyone’s time.
Glad that’s over so say whatever you like about this list I honestly don’t care and I’ll see you again at some point. Blog Complainer signing out.