Warning: This Review Contains Strong Sexual References and Other Messed Up Adult Stuff. If You Consider Yourself ‘Under Aged‘ or May Take Offense To The Following Content, Make It Easy For All Of Us and Go Read My Mamma Mia Reviews or Do Anything Else! Anyway Enjoy The Review and Read At Your Own Risk and Don’t Blame Me If You Go Mad Too!
Welcome to the final part of The Anti Blog Complainer’s Review Of The Greatest Show In The History Of The Universe – Insatiable. Before we start I want to say I’m so so so so so so Sorry for tricking all of you that I was that hater. But now you know it’s me we can continue where we let off but this time nega nega nega…. Negativity why do you waste so much writing space on pointlessly repeating words? Oh yeah I’m back guys.
That clown typed all this ages ago and he just stares at it and blows kisses at his work. He’s a strange guy and that’s all you need to know. He never really knocked me out, he just closed the front door on me but never locked it. Long story short I left in the parts where he pretended to be me because I mostly agree with half the stuff he says and I’ve removed this part of the review. So welcome to Part 3 of the BC’s really long review of Insatiable.
Even though I have barely talked about this show I feel like I have been talking about it for ages. So, Insatiable was about a teenage girl and her coach teaming up in a beauty pageant to get revenge on the people that made fun of them. Eight episodes into the season Patty, who was once in love with Bob, now believes she has a literal mutant demon baby inside her and Bob has spent the entire season hating this other Bob and now has found out that the other Bob has loved him his entire life. (Laugh with me Jameson: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uuL6cJPz3Nk) I am not making any of this up and from here things get stranger with Episode 9 being about Exorcism, Yay!
We start off with this terribly edited dream sequence and it’s pretty damn funny. It is amazing how much a show can evolve in one season. Then another dream sequence with Bob and Bob in bed together. So, Krabby Patty and Loser Bob meet up with Mr Strict Preacher and he gives yet another dumb excuse as to why she can’t keep her title. This time it’s really stupid because remember the Teratoma? Whatever you think it actually is it is not because Preacher wants Patty to remove it (somehow?) or she would lose her crown. What kind of drugs are you on mate? And this show is making Loser Bob the only one left who hasn’t yet had his brain turned into a bowl of mashed potatoes.
The Preacher suggested getting a Jewish priest to perform an exorcism. (I wish I was making this up but I’m not and I’m starting to think I’m on drugs!) Bob rightfully calls him out for being a nut but Patty is still convinced there is a darkness inside her which was obviously not caused by the trauma of being bullied at school, it’s the Teratoma’s fault. This next scene Patty goes around the corner past some extras then the camera moves away from them and shows Nonnie leaning on her locker facing the extras and Patty comes from behind her. I had to watch this scene three times to make sure I’m not seeing what I think I’m seeing. So Patty walked past the extras and then turned back and walked around the school to where Nonnie is, all in the span of 3 seconds. (Impressive and without a sweat too!) Anyway Patty has gone viral all over Shenani Cam and is currently at 1570 Licks. (I’m sorry I’m bringing Mr Jameson back, I can’t help myself https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uuL6cJPz3Nk)
Meanwhile Gay Bob comes clean that he dated Stella Rose to get closer to Loser Bob (Yeah That Makes Sense!) and since his wife has dropped off the planet it’s okay for him to hit on him constantly. Oh look, we’re currently on 1674 licks and with 98 comments. Gay Bob never wanted to show off how much of an ego he had but he’s been secretly stalking him so he can be with him more. He tries to tell Loser Bob that he never hated him because he was jealous of his success but because he was secretly in love with him. I would normally complain that you’ve completely changed these characters to suit this twist that was clearly not planned but I’m not going to because I’m currently having a hard time remembering my times tables so I’ll let you off for this time only.
Krabby Patty and friends get out their Ouija board to find out if Patty is really cursed and it’s amazing to see that Teen Wolf finally fits on this show. Teen Wolf literally Googles how to control a demon and then Patty asks her Mum what was the name of her dead twin sister that she made up in a dream. After that the Taco shop ends Patty’s sponsorship but that changes when she offers to have someone takes photos of her having selfies with all the customers. Three weeks later nothing bad happens to Patty until Regina and Dixie return to town. Apparently since Dixie is paralysed Patty is the bad guy again even though Dixie was the one who started the fight, but whatever I’ll let it slide since I can’t remember how time works.
Patty has to apologise to her in front of the whole school at this anti bullying assembly which isn’t very anti bullying friendly if you’re forcing someone to apologise to someone without listening to their side of the story. Stuff happens and Patty blames her made up demon so it’s time for an Exorcism. Preacher presumably dies in a car crash and Teen Wolf really doesn’t care. So with the Preacher gone Bob gets to take over and he performs the Exorcism which the whole scene is really dumb so I recommend you just watch it yourself and while you’re at it maybe the whole episode as this is a good one. After that Jon Lovitz shows up for two minutes and he is actually the only good actor on this show. Jon Lovitz convinces Bob that he needs to have sex with Gay Bob and what an episode! 10/10, I recommend you all go watch this episode – it’s so amazingly bad that I love it.
Banana Heart Banana (Get it? Because this show is so hip and them kids like Emojis and being on those phones all day!) starts off with two Bob’s snuggling up together. Did Anti mention in my words that I was joking about them being a couple? Since the show realised how irrelevant Bob’s wife was they decided to bring her back only to stir things up for Bob’s two different lives. With the Preacher out of the show now Patty is suspended and she can’t compete in regionals if she is suspended because if you haven’t noticed we ran out two episodes ago of excuses for keeping Patty away from the pageants. So the principal agrees that Patty should hold a roast so she can make amends with Dixie even though isn’t holding a roast count as bullying and isn’t this… Better not think too hard about it I starting to forget the alphabet.
Bob asks his boy partner about what’s up with Teen Wolf because they’ve only started to realise that he is creepy guy but the scene isn’t about Teen Wolf it’s about Gay Bob wanting to dine in his office with the other Bob because this relationship has been brewing forever not just since the twist reveal. It’s in this episode where the writers remind us that Nonnie liked Patty once so she breaks up with her girlfriend to go and follow her crush, completely trotting over the point that she made back in Episode 6. Next day Bob tells Patty that Teen Wolf is very disturbed. Teen Wolf kidnapped a girl while in Brazil and the only reason he isn’t in jail is because the Preacher let him leave the country and for some reason never bothered to get him some help so this sort of thing will never happen again. I knew it! The Preacher is on Drugs! Doesn’t anyone remember that Teen Wolf did run away with Patty once and didn’t put up any fight to keep her with him? (Well I guess I would forget a important detail like that too.) When Teen Wolf shows up Patty doesn’t immediately call for a teacher’s aid to help her get away from this guy instead she lets him threaten her and then assault Nonnie. I guess Patty really does deserve to be roasted. (I just realised I’ve never seen a teacher at this school or anyone go into a classroom.)
The Roast is on and Loser Bob is having a hard time being there for his wife and boyfriend. Oh yeah, his wife I think is taking the same drugs as the preacher because she invented a tampon with tassel on the end. Look I’m not a woman so I don’t care and even if I was I would still think this subplot is completely pointless. Then we get something more pointless when we’re introduced to Patty’s mum’s ex-boyfriend who was also her step-father. I’m just as confused now as I was back then because they’re talking about stuff that doesn’t seem relevant until next season – that’s if the show gets a second season. Anyway, Patty’s mum leaves the show for some unknown reason. Nonnie finally decides to leave Patty again and for how long you may ask, I doubt not that long. Patty goes looking for Bob only to find him sucking face with Bob. The cliff-hanger of the episode is not that Patty tells everyone about the Bobs relationship or not that Dixie and Regina have conned all of them so they can buy a van. No, the cliff-hanger is Patty decides to stuff her face with her birthday cake. BOOM! Next Episode!
Since Patty got rid of her Fat suit 10 episodes ago she just kind of eats forever and she’ll still look hot when she wakes up tomorrow. The plot is kicked off when Patty finds on Shenani Cam that Drew Barrymore is coming to Atlanta and apparently she only has a troll account or has a real photo of herself and she only has 1211 licks that’s less than Patty’s viral girly fight. I love these fake news articles on Shenani Cam which I’m guessing now it’s a combination of Instagram and Buzzfeed. Hey Gay Bob is shirtless again while making some dinner and apparently he has never heard of an apron. Brick and Magnolia come over and Brick just snap talks to his dad because he hasn’t been doing that for the last two episodes. I really want to punch this guy in his perfect face. Bob visits his wife trying to win her back but she already wants a divorce because of, you know. But Bob wants to keep his wife around more than the other Bob because we never saw her reaction to this discovery, hell we haven’t seen her since before Coralee left the show temporarily.
Patty meets up with Coralee so she can brag about her problems because that isn’t new and so Coralee can brag about her Tampon thing. The next day Brick tries to help Patty lose weight and they find Teen Wolf’s car. Instead of calling the cops, like Patty should’ve done in an earlier scene before she enters the Taco shop, she lets Brick beat him up because the tension between them has been building for episodes and the payoff kind of flopped. Back to the Bobs and they go to a gay night club because all those scenes in the earlier episodes weren’t enough. Later the Bobs discover Roxy has been abandoned by her master and is desperately looking for comfort. Loser Bob comes up with the idea that he and Bob can train her for regionals because Patty is a lost cause.
Patty decides to take Roxy out by stealing the wiener truck so she can leave her there until the contest is over. Who’s better? Krabby Patty or Teen Wolf? Who makes the better kidnapper? But things don’t go to plan when Nonnie decides to go to the Drew Barrymore thing and Patty is shot with a tranquilizer dart. That’s the cliff-hanger ending but the real treat is Bob admits to the other Bob and Coralee that he loves them both and then they have a three-way. I know this sounds like some sort of Fan-Fiction but it isn’t, it really happened.
We’re finally at the final episode of the season! We find out Krabby Patty has been kidnapped by Stella Rose and Roxy so they can get revenge on Bob. Even though Bob has abandoned Patty and Roxy knows this but whatever Threesome, Oh Yeah! But Nonnie and Brick show up before anything happens so it’s just a cheeky awkward situation, Yeah they got some pot from Patty’s mum’s ex and they had a little too much so they decided to jump into bed together and remove most of their clothes but not too much so teens can still watch our show.
The next day Brick and Nonnie team up to look for Patty because they both make great Disney villain sidekicks. Oh yeah, remember Magnolia, she wants to be a part of pageants again and like Brick she loves to point out everything wrong with her dad because they’re the parent critics. Later on Loser Bob thinks he can have it both ways and decides to seduce the two loves of his life into fully committing to a threesome. This is so weird and awkward because this all sounds like a weird fantasy of his and the other two don’t really care about each other that much. Even though none of these people really have a good reason to have the threesome they have it anyway, because why not?
If you haven’t noticed I’ve skipped over most of the irrelevant stuff like Teen Wolf finds Regina because she took the tracker that was meant for Patty. Since Regina hasn’t done anything in the last two episodes but move into people’s houses even though her cardboard box is next to her advertised bench. She encourages Teen Wolf to be more creepy than before and she even calls him Teen Wolf. (Stop stealing my material show!) Patty escapes Stella Rose only to be caught by Roxy who’s car teleports right next to her in the next shot. Back in the truck Patty narrates that her life ending up in the same spot as she started is a metaphor for her life. I’m not sure if I would call that the metaphor for her life, I’m surprised the show knows what that is. Hell, I can’t even remember how old I am, it’s nice to watch a show that’s smarter than me. Stella Rose and Roxy cackle happily to themselves as they text Nonnie that Patty is fine and then they leave without Patty’s phone. There could be a chance she may text again, just saying.
Back to the Threesome and they had a great time I presume. Bob is cornered by Stella Rose as she gleefully cheers at his defeat. But Bob doesn’t care because he’s happy he’s been in a Threesome. Since that plan failed Stella Rose plans to make Patty commit suicide by making her choke on the fumes even though she is chained up far away from the exhaust pipe and she was kidnapped and Nonnie and Brick knowing she tried to take out Roxy. Whatever, she is clearly insane and I can get behind why she is nuts unlike Mr Sexy Molester who always looks lost and confused. But that’s when Krabby Patty has a revelation that the only reason bad things happen to her is because she thinks she deserves it. Which I wouldn’t say that but the music is rising up so I guess I’ll go with it because I can’t remember how my mouth works.
Meanwhile the Threesome falls apart when Gay Bob tells Coralee he sees her as the third wheel and now it’s like the end of Life is Strange but you got to choose your love interest – Sexy Shirtless Gay Bob or Old Weird Shiny Face Coralee (her face always looked off to me) or None of Them which is the choice you’d only pick on multiple play-throughs. Patty arrives at The Regional Sign-Up place but not the contest itself which is weird I thought it was the actual contest with the earlier scenes of the Bobs helping Roxy picking out an outfit and Stella Rose’s urge to kill her and ruin Bob’s chances at being a winner. Whatever, it’s fine, I’m sure the contest will happen for the Season 2 finale and by then I would’ve forgotten how the keyboard works. Magnolia texts Patty to meet up with her but she never says where to meet up but only how she can help her win. Turns out Teen Wolf set all this up because he is the ultimate Bad Boy, ohhhhh he’s so edgy. He’s kidnapped Magnolia and he wants Krabby Patty to kill her but she just lets her go instead. This is where Teen Wolf tries to tell her that she’s the villain, they’re the same and all that clichéd stuff. She refuses to listen to him while bashing his head in with a crowbar.
Loser Bob is now in defeat because he chose option 3 and now he is back to where he was back in episode one until Krabby Patty calls him. This is when they realise they were meant to be together even though this isn’t the first… We’re not doing this joke again! Patty changes clothes but keeps the blood on her body, they dump the car in the river and I’m guessing it was supposed to explode but the show can’t afford to have an explosion so Dallas Roberts loses his cool. The season ends with Krabby Patty telling Loser Bob that she also killed Stella Rose and apparently that wasn’t important for us to know until it had some comedic value. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uuL6cJPz3Nk)
Phew, it’s done. It’s been fun and I first thought of doing this for something different and I hoped you enjoyed this little series and your reward for bearing through this super long review is this Bingo sheet. It’s like one of those Bingo sheets you would use while playing a David Cage game. You can print some out and share it with some friends which I guess is my weird way of recommending Insatiable to you. Insatiable is a bad show, don’t get me wrong, but if you can get through the dumb soap opera stuff then you’ve got a really entertaining show that I think you would have a pretty good time with. Or I’m all alone on this and it’s just my guilty pleasure.
That about wraps everything up and there is only one way we can end this. With A Musical Number! Come on Blog Complainer, I know you can’t resist me you would make an amazing Patrick Swayze. Ahhh, No you’re not my type and next time you touch my baby I’ll be putting you in the corner for good.
I’m The Blog Complainer Goodnight Everybody.
Ohhh, I’ll get that man and I will return and next time my review won’t be deleted while I’m watching Vampire Diaries. I’m your savior from negativity, The Anti Blog Complainer and I had the time of my life. Roll the clip.