Ocean’s Women: A Completely Original Film

Ocean’s 8 is a movie made by old talentless men who’ve ran out of ideas years ago. This movie has an all-star female cast, it’s a movie about women made for women but the person whose review your reading isn’t a woman. I really had no desire to see this one at all, but I eventually caved into seeing it & in the end I came out of it feeling very meh. If you read my Solo review then just compare what I said about my experience for that movie & just drop it down an extra level. Just note I may drop some major plot details in this review so you’ve been warned. So let’s drive into the mediocrity known as Ocean’s Women.

The Plot to Ocean’s Women: Since George Clooney wasn’t on their engender to bring back, So meet his sister Debbie Ocean (Sandra Bullock) who’s pretty much the same as Clooney except she got arrested because her rich ex-boyfriend ratted her out. But Now she is free & builds a team of women (We’ll get into the team in a bit) to rob an expensive necklace at a celebrity ball. So first we have the set-up to the heist & have each member of the team doing their part, then the Heist itself, the aftermath of the Heist, seeing the team defeat the villain & a plot twist. That’s every Oceans movie in a nutshell & this one is no exception. But I guess this one is new & original because it’s an all women team. Maybe I should do an Ocean’s reboot but with all blacks or Asians or dogs or with rocks I picked out of the dirt or even with just stop signs who want to rob the drivers who don’t stop at stop signs. (The possibilities are endless)

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The Red Stop Sign played by Daniel Day-Lewis watches ominously at the incoming cars ignoring the sign’s existance

Meet The Ocean’s Women: The performances from the women are fine & that’s it. The characters themselves are very weak. They all have a gimmick & they’re absolutely perfect at that gimmick. For example we’ll look at Rihanna’s character who is a hacker. She’s perfect at her job & she is also a comedic relief. Same with Mindy Kaling she can make jewels & she is another comedic relief or even Helena Bonham Carter who acts very clueless but she’s basically perfect at what she does. The only character who is given any development is Sandra Bullocks character who’s pretty much flawless besides that one time she got arrested for liking a guy. For the whole movie I didn’t give a damn about any of these people because I knew no matter what was going to happen they will get what they want because they’re practically perfect in every way.

This Movie Is Completely Bonkers: If you want to enjoy this movie you’re going to have to pretend that reality is a fragment of your imagination or just not care about good quality movies. So this heist of robbing an 150 million dollar necklace off a model at this celebrity ball in New York & than hiring a team of specific women with specific skills to pull this heist off & once this heist has been pulled off frame the entire heist on the man who is dating the model & then split the earnings between the team & it took Sandra Bullock 5 years, 8 months & 12 days to conduct this complicated plan from her prison cell. Ah… No: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ztVMib1T4T4

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The Perfect 8 brillently blends into their enviroment

I know you’re not supposed to take these movies too seriously, but come on how far you want to stretch my suspension of disbelief. It gets even worse once we get to heist as they pull it off so perfectly with no fear of failure. It just makes the main characters to god like & the Security protecting the necklace just incompetent idiots. The twist ending doesn’t help either by the way. I guess I should mention the comedy which didn’t make me laugh or smile even once. (I’m as robotic as the main characters, I Know) Most of the time I didn’t even get the joke. I honestly don’t see the point of rebooting this franchise at all. But I know the other reason.

Rebooting It Just Because: If you can’t guess I’m not a huge fan of the Ocean movies. There pretty entertaining heist movies with big casts with big names attached to it, they go to cool locations & everyone looks good while there stealing stuff under everyone noses. Too be honest It’s been awhile since I’ve seen Ocean’s 11 so I’m not going to be comparing this new one to the old movies. (And I have no interest to do so) I’ve also seen Ocean’s 12 & I can’t remember a thing about it & never got around to seeing Ocean’s 13 & don’t care to. So rebooting the Ocean movies feels like a waste of time to me. But here’s the thing it’s been over 10 years since an Oceans movie has been released & anything that was popular back in the day is bound to make some cash now. Like I said at the start of this review this was a movie made by a bunch of guys who ran out of good ideas years ago so in the end what they came up with is this:

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No one is as good as us

 

Hey Steven, I’ve just came up with a brilliant idea for a new movie.’

’And what’s that Jim?’

 ‘Let’s redo Ocean’s 11 with the same plot, add some tie-ins to other Ocean movies & have a bunch of celebrity cameos. But this one will be completely different to those other films because our main cast will be all women instead of men.’

Just like that new Ghostbusters movie from a few years ago that did terribly at the Box Office & was panned by Critics.’

Well… you got any better ideas Steven?’

Well… um, no Jim? But are you sure…

Relax Steven, As long as we make an average movie & make our money back. So who cares what a few Critics think! Now get back to writing that new Top Gun reboot that we’ve been working on.’

‘Yes Jim. I guess your right yet again.’   

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You Need To Look Fabulous if You Want Rob Celebrities

 

The BC’s Verdict of Ocean’s 8: Well this movie is pretty much a playing it safe soft reboot. That should appease fans of the franchise & women because it’s about women. But I think it’s almost on the levels of I Feel Pretty an unfunny movie with a really dumb plot & it’s almost as passable as Solo. I think it’s a big fat 5/10 which I feel is the worst type of movie that leaves no impact on you at all. If you haven’t seen it I recommend just waiting for it to come out on DVD & it’s in a 2nd hand shop or just rent it.

That’s pretty much all I have to say on Ocean’s 8 so if you agree or disagree please let me know in the comments. If you can share it with your loved ones that would be great and if you haven’t notice I’m a huge fan of movies, TV Shows & Video Games and I’m willing to suffer for my audience so let me know on what I should review next.

Thanks for reading this review and I’ll see you again in the next review.   

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